There are NO problems in America!
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Editor’s Foreword:
This is played for laughs, VERY tongue-in-cheek, which means it’s a total hoot. Rightwingers would repeat it, thinking that Mr Kalder (a Scotsman) is praising the USA. There are many ways to deflate an opponent… Kalder’s method is clever and subtle. Mr Kalder skewers his target whilst appearing to praise them. Hat tip…
BMD
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Problems, problems, everybody has problems. Look at Russia right now. Those protesters… they’ve got problems. If they don’t get prior permission for their rallies, they’ll now face fines of thousands of dollars. The opposition leaders have problems… the police raided their apartments, seized all their hi-tech gear, and “investigations are continuing”. Pussy Riot has problems. Ksenia Sobchak has problems… jeez… so many problems. Elsewhere it’s worse. Look at Egypt, where the Supreme Constitutional Court just dissolved parliament ahead of presidential elections between two decidedly unlovely candidates… its complete chaos; nobody knows what’s coming next… no wonder the folks are hopping mad! Then, there’s Europe, where the currency is about to slip down the drain. What about Libya, Syria, and Mali? The list goes on and on.
Thank goodness, I live in America, where we have no problems. You doubt me? Why, just look at a few recent news stories and you’ll be obliged to kneel before my Truth. Firstly, have you heard that in New Jersey the authorities just mandated seatbelts for cats and dogs? Oh, yes, my friends. If you don’t buckle up your beast, you get a fine of 250 to 1,000 dollars (8,160 to 32,640 Roubles. 200 to 800 Euros. 160 to 640 UK Pounds) for your callousness and disregard for public safety. That’s right… no longer will Fido be able to ride shotgun, fur flying in the breeze. See what I mean? Would the wise legislators of New Jersey be concerned about the seating arrangements of cats in trucks if they had serious issues, like homelessness, unemployment, or crime to think about? I don’t think so. Then, there’s the pleasant town of Middleborough in Massachusetts, where residents recently voted to approve a proposal from the local police chief to impose a 20 dollar (653 Roubles. 16 Euros. 12.75 UK Pounds) fine for public profanity. That’s right, life in Middleborough is so good that the sound of a teenager saying $#@! or &^%$#! is a big deal. Just try and imagine what kind of utopia the town must be. Oh, wait… you can’t, because you’ve so many problems. However, life is bliss, friends, and soon… with the disappearance of salty language from the streets… it’ll be perfection.
All right, I hear you cry, but what about John Travolta? He’s American and he’s got problems! This is true. Recently, the married Look Who’s Talking star faced accusations of pestering male masseurs for sex, and he was hit with sexual battery claims. This week, meanwhile, the National Enquirer reported that, in the 1980s, Travolta had an affair with his personal pilot, a man named Doug Gotterba. This could cause problems for Travolta in Hollywood, where producers have yet to green-light a film in which the action hero is gay. Compounding the actor’s woes, the Enquirer reports that Travolta’s lover objected to his fat, hairy body. On the other hand, the fact that anybody bothers to report this, and that I spent several minutes of my life reading about it, proves that in America we have no serious problems.
Which brings me to the Ku Klux Klan… you may have heard that a branch of the racist organisation wants to “adopt” a stretch of highway in Georgia, for which they would receive a little plaque thanking them for cleaning up the road. I’ll concede that this is a problem. Racists still exist. On the other hand, we can see improvement. Once upon a time, the KKK terrorised and murdered blacks, and people with links to the KKK infested the Democratic Party at the highest level. For instance, Hugo Black, Roosevelt’s first appointment to the Supreme Court joined the Klan in the 1920s, President Harry Truman was an ex-Klansman, and onetime Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd… who filibustered the Civil Rights Act for 14 straight hours in 1964… only died in 2010. In 2008, however, the Democratic Party nominated a black man for president, and he subsequently won. KKK membership today consists largely of morons, sometimes married to their cousins, who meekly ask the state for permission to pick up litter on the highway. As it is, Georgia turned them down. America’s making great progress.
Lastly, you may have heard that America has a few economic problems. Nevertheless, this is a myth. How do I know this? Well, the president’s been spending a lot of time with his celebrity friends lately. In June alone, he attended at least six parties and dinners, where he rubbed shoulders with the likes of Mariah Carey, Julia Roberts, and the lady with the long face from Sex and the City. He even gave Jon Bon Jovi a ride on Air Force One! Now, cynics might say he only wants their money, but I know better. The president enjoys downtime with friends, like the rest of us. It’s just that he has richer and more beautiful friends! Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, my friends. Good luck with your problems. We don’t have any.
15 June 2012
Daniel Kalder
RIA-Novosti





Please Don’t Lecture Russia
Tags: Adolf Hitler, American history, Benjamin Franklin, Bill Clinton, diplomacy, diplomatic relations, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Dwight Eisenhower, European history, George H W Bush, George Herbert Walker Bush, George Washington, Great Patriotic War, Harry Truman, history, History of Russia, Ike Eisenhower, Iosif Stalin, John Quincy Adams, Modern history, nazi concentration camps, Nazi Germany, political commentary, politics, Red Army, Republican, Richard Nixon, right-wing, RKKA, Ronald Reagan, Russia, Russian, Russian diplomacy, Russian history, Soviet Union, United States, USA, USSR, VOV, Workers and Peasants Red Army, World War II
THIS was the REAL USSR… any questions?
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When I first visited Russia more than 30 years ago, it was still part of the USSR. The idea of any independent or critical press, of open debates in a parliament, or of popular demonstrations against government policies that would bring scores of thousands of people into the streets of Moscow, was inconceivable then. Today, Russia has many critics in the West, who accuse it of sliding back into dictatorship. What is their proposed solution? Usually, it is to criticise Russia and its leaders and try to strong-arm them into adopting policies of greater democracy and alleged greater respect for human rights.
These attitudes stem from a pervasive faith shared by liberal Democrats and conservative Republicans in the USA that’s so pervasive, that its greatest believers are totally unaware of how much they’re in thrall to it. They believe that democracy is the only acceptable political system around the world, and that, consequently, the USA should wage a ceaseless ideological crusade, not resting until, at least, all the major nations of the world share the same limitless blessings of a perfect democratic system.
Now, I’m all in favour of democracy myself… I prefer living within a fully-democratic system rather than under a communist, fascist, or repressive theocracy. However, I’m against waging wars to imposing the American, or any other, democratic system, on other nations. I’m equally opposed to a purely-ideological foreign policy that would treat the governments of the world purely according to how Freedom House and similar bodies grade them according to how it assesses their freedoms. This is hardly an anti-American position. George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Quincy Adams, and modern Presidents Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush, and Bill Clinton believed and acted exactly the same way.
Ironically, the history of the West and the USA over the past three-quarters of a century exposes the dangerous folly of such self-righteous fantasies. Britain and the USA only won World War II against Nazi Germany because they were allies with the USSR under Iosif Stalin. I believe that not one in 100,000 Americans alive today knows or remembers that it was the Red Army, not the American or British forces, which liberated the Nazi extermination complexes of Auschwitz and Majdanek in Poland.
Nor did Western pragmatism… or hypocrisy… end with the destruction of the truly-evil Third Reich. Many still hail President Nixon as an American statesman and peacemaker for his détente policy with the USSR and his outreach to China. Not all the repercussions of the Watergate scandal that forced him to resign can take that away. Yet, Nixon, like Reagan after him, supported the two most corrupt régimes on the planet for decades, which ground hundreds of millions of their unfortunate peoples into degradation and despair. These were the kleptocratic dictatorships of Indonesia under President Suharto and Zaïre (today called the Democratic Republic of the Congo) under President Mobuto Sese Seko.
Russia has come an amazingly long way since I first visited it in the spring thaw season of 1982. That doesn’t mean its political system is the same as those of the USA or the major nations of Western Europe. However, it’s no Indonesia under Suharto or Zaïre under Mobutu either. What’s more, the USA never had any trouble getting along with them. All the moral lecturing of Russia by Western critics misses two crucial points.
First, even if Russia were to relapse back into some form of strict authoritarian government… and so far it hasn’t… that wouldn’t make war or conflict with the USA or the West inevitable. The USA, the British Empire, and the communist USSR were reliable and exceptional successful allies to each other throughout World War II. Then, the USA and the USSR successfully steered clear of any direct conflict in the 44 years of the Cold War from 1945 to 1989. It wasn’t easy; at times, they came dangerously close to war. Second, ensuring Russia remains a democracy won’t be a guarantee of peace with Russia, even if such a starry-eyed, ill-defined, reckless, and irresponsible policy such as intervening in Russia’s internal affairs could ever succeed. For throughout modern history, democracies have often waged war on other countries, including on other democracies. The idea that the best guarantee of world peace is a world filled with, and dominated by, democracies is just another myth.
What the USA and Russia really need is a serious dialogue between their top leaderships aimed at defusing tensions and managing real and unavoidable conflicts of interest. Both nations need to work hard on identifying their areas of mutual interest, and expanding them. The last thing American and other Western leaders need to do is to cave into the mounting hysteria from the think-tanks and the armchair strategists churning out their endless morally-outraged columns for the op-ed pages, and embrace a policy of ideological criticism and name-calling against Russia. The two thermonuclear superpowers need to respect each other and improve their cooperation… the peace of the world demands it.
9 March 2013
Martin Sieff
Voice of Russia World Service
http://english.ruvr.ru/2013_03_09/Please-don-t-lecture-Russia/
Editor’s Note:
Orthodox people should note that Victor Potapov, Alexander Webster, James Paffhausen, and Rod Dreher have sold out to the American Consumerist Dream and to the American Democratic Fantasy. They’re Sergianists (those who suck up to the powers-that-be for the scraps that fall from the high table) of the foulest and worst sort. They’re part of the “mounting hysteria from the think-tanks and the armchair strategists churning out their endless morally-outraged columns for the op-ed pages, and embrace a policy of ideological criticism and name-calling against Russia”. Potapov was/is an open US government propagandist. Webster and Dreher are “stink-tankers”; Paffhausen is tied to the American Enterprise Institute (one of the most Far Right stink-tanks in the District). In short, these people are traitors to the Orthosphere, and we must treat them accordingly.
You can follow HH and his support of Social Justice… or you can follow the above sell-out jabronies who’re supporters of “Greed is Good” and “The Race Goes to the Swiftest” (that’s what support of the contemporary Republican Party means). I’ve chosen… it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know where I stand… by the way, I’m far from alone…
BMD