Voices from Russia

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

2 April 2013. April Fools’ Prank on JP from Michał Kalina Circulating… NO SALE

00 Voodoo Theology


Several of the Cabinet informed me of a prank from Michał Kalina making the rounds. Here’s one report:

Be careful with a spurious report making the rounds about JP being a serious candidate under consideration to take over Rue Daru. It’s another April Fools’ prank from Michał Kalina, and they seem to be hoping you’ll fall for it.

Firstly, everyone knows that the Phanar rejected all candidates to replace Gabriel de Vylder. Secondly, JP is on the EP’s shit list after his stupid outburst about the GOAA. Ergo, I’d only believe this if it came out as an official post on patriarchia.ru… and, then, only after seeing snaps of his installation. In any case, if the Centre doesn’t want Fatso, why would the Phanar? Let’s be clear. The OCA doesn’t want Fatso. The Centre doesn’t want Fatso. If Fatso’s been on the EP shit list for years, why would they want him?

Michał Kalina is a Renovationist loon. He’s a St Fagomyr’s fanatic… and he dislikes me personally, I’m told. I’m not so stupid. Now that I’m in the sixth year of posting, I’ve got a good instinct on what’s naughty and what’s nice. Michał Kalina is bad ju-ju all around (where is Dr M’bogo of Addams Family fame when you need him?). Remember, there are some stories that one only believes if they come from OFFICIAL sources. This is one. In any case, Rue Daru doesn’t have the money to satisfy JP’s voracious appetite (in more ways than one).

It does take all kinds, doesn’t it?


This Just In Department:

One of the Cabinet sent this:

I called a friend who goes there. He laughed and told me to quit drinking and go to bed… no one wants Metropolitan Jonah excepts his fellow closet cases.

Touché… Mr Kalina goes down in flames.


More Good Stuff from the Cabinet:

I got this:

For Rue Daru, you must speak French and Russian fluently; you must be willing to be a vicar bishop for the Greek Metropolitan, not a dud convert. This is just ridiculous!




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