Voices from Russia

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Aleksei Zhurako’s April Fool’s Day Post

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Editor:

This is an obvious April Fool… however, I don’t think that Aleksei wanted to “fool” anyone… it’s an acerbic comment on what’s happened in the Ukraine. It’s my “vote” for Best April Fool Post… using satire and biting criticism to make a legit point.

BMD

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Dear Friends!

Urgent! Inside! Exclusive!

Putin and Trump agreed on the Ukraine and came to a compromise!

As it was a compromise, one understands that both sides had to make concessions; probably, each side will remain disgruntled, but here’s the deal we have:

Trump as a businessman, insisted on the position that once America invested so much cash in the Ukraine, they had to receive dividends from their money. He has a lot of problems in the USA itself… the Democrats have him under heavy criticism after losing the White House and both houses of Congress. With one blow, Trump decided to end these challenges… former US Vice-President Joe Biden, who managed things in the Ukraine, will become Poroshenko’s direct successor and move to Kiev (in principle… what was covert becomes overt). This is what the USA gets. For his part, Putin insisted that if Biden took over in the Ukraine, the Ukraine would transit to a federal system of government… just like in the USA. DNR Head of State A V Zakharchenko would become the Ukrainian Vice-President. Thus, the two superpowers would have a representative in Kiev, balancing out their interests. Alas, Poroshenko would escape justice… he’ll become the Governor of Puerto Rico. To ease his transition, Natalya Yaresko is there arranging things. Sources in Kiev said that they offered Poroshenko other options, but he insisted on Puerto Rico because he’d have daily and unlimited access to rum, which they produce on this island. There’s information that Putin and Trump concluded a side-bet about Poroshenko. Trump insists “the people were crank” in the Ukraine… Poroshenko is really a first-class manager, who’d be able to turn around and pick up the local economy in Puerto Rico. Putin believes that the Ukrainians are tremendous and hard-working people… the Euromaidan ghouls weren’t good for them. San Juan (and the rest of the world) awaits Pyotr Alekseyevich’s arrival. Let’s see what happens… “Puerto Rico takes off!” or Poroshenko’s nonsense will move the people to hold a referendum to get out from under such “leadership”…  #ПэуртоРикоНаш  #Peurtorikonash?

Thanks,

Aleksei Zhuravko

1 April 2017

Aleksei Zhuravko

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