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At the Moscow News, our theme of the week is single expat women in Moscow… and what’s hampering them in their pursuit of relationships. Whilst the story itself was certainly interesting to do, the initial responses to it online were no less fascinating. One lovely chap from Czechia wrote to me, “Western women are total bitches! That’s why Russian men don’t go near them!” When someone else pointed up that the woman he was tweeting at (i.e. me) is married to a Russian, he couldn’t believe it at first. Then, he wrote, “Clearly, [my] husband must have a problem of some sort”. Another upstanding individual who follows Guardian (soon-to-be BuzzFeed) journalist Miriam Elder on Twitter decided to stand up for Russian men. He tweeted, “Russians aren’t the only ones [who reject American women]! American women are c***s!” I could go on, but I’m sure that you get the point.
Every woman, be she Russian or American or whatever, goes through a phase of desperately not wanting to be That Girl. That Girl is the one who calls people out on sexist stereotypes. That Girl is the one who tells it like it is. She’s mouthy. She isn’t particularly good at being manipulative. She is, quite often, a bitch… and people on Twitter will let her know about it. However, then, sometimes, life chooses for you. You become That Girl because you suddenly find yourself angry… or tired of lying… or in a bad relationship… or worse. Even though I married a Russian, I’m That Girl. It’s why I’m interested in articles about thorny relationship issues. From everything I’ve seen, Western women don’t need to pretend to be someone else to find love in Moscow… however impermanent or strange love may ultimately turn out to be.
In fact, the hate-filled responses to our article prove something I have long-suspected but never quite articulated… Western women getting together with Russian men is a scary concept for a lot of the sexist men who come to Russia to get laid. Such relationships mess with their neat little worldview wherein all Russian men are boorish and uninteresting, and all Western women are evil hags. In my experience, the Russian men who fall for Western women tend to be different. No specific “type” of Russian man does it… I suppose that anyone who dates a foreigner is somewhat open-minded in one way or another. Some are rich, some are poor, some are in the arts, whilst others are hard-nosed businessmen, and so on. The one interesting thing these men tend to have in common is their confidence.
You don’t need to be a pick-up artist to know that confidence is the only “trick” there is… it’s the same for women. My anecdotal evidence suggests that expat women who date in Moscow don’t exactly lack it either. When I told an American friend… let’s call her Jane… about our upcoming article, and the negative experiences of other Western women we describe, she was philosophical about it, saying, “Love is about luck… and there’s no real formula for success, but it’s also true that when I first came to Moscow, I was very intimidated by the whole dating scene. I kept thinking, ‘Well, I’m obviously not as feminine as the local women, so I’ll probably stay single’. For over a year, it was true”.
Then Jane made a new friend… an older Russian man who told her that she needed to stop worrying and start living. She said, “He reminded me that I’m still young, that I need to get out more. Expat social circles can be stifling, it’s true, so, I began to hang out with groups of new people. Suddenly, I was dating again”. Later, when I messaged Jane, copying and pasting some of the more ridiculous responses to our article, she had a good laugh, posting, “Bitches and c***s, sure, whatever! When people talk like that, they’re ultimately saying more about themselves than anyone else”.
9 July 2013
Natalia Antonova
RIA-Novosti
http://en.ria.ru/columnists/20130709/182138123/Trendwatcher-Expat-Women-in-Moscow-When-Dating-is-No-Disaster-.html
12 September 2016. Why No Working-Class Woman Should Trust Bourgeois Feminists
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