A Smile from the Babylon Bee… Russian Orthodox Church Accused of Interfering With Doctrine of Election

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On Thursday, the nation’s agitated soteriologically Calvinistic Christians released another statement alleging that the Russian Orthodox Church has, and continues to, meddle in the historical Christian Doctrine of Election. A Reformed pastor, who declined to give his name, complained:

One can hardly read the comments under my blog without some mention of the Patriarch of Moscow, or #ReleaseTheWillFromBondage. The Russians have clearly weaponised their faulty theology against our precious doctrine. They think they have an ability to choose… but this is our election, and Totally Depraved Americans won’t stand for it!

Facebook and Twitter are feeling pressure to censor pro-Russian Orthodox dogma, which overran the two social media platforms through automated robotic posts. You can identify these Russian bots by their frequent use of icons, in contrast to the stoic emoticons familiar in Reformed social media posts. Russian President Vladimir Putin denied the charges of Russian Orthodox interference, saying:

Election is hardly a Russian concern.

However, American Calvinists are still fuming over the wilted tulips he recently posted on Instagram, claiming the Russian leader’s predestination is certain.

25 January 2018

Babylon Bee

http://babylonbee.com/news/russian-orthodox-church-accused-interfering-doctrine-election/

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28 October 2017. From the Russian Web… Raisin Weekend at St Andrew’s in Scotland

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I saw this image on the Russian web (on vK, to be exact). Unlike Anglo Americans, Russians take an active interest in the world and know much about it. This image is of the latest “Raisin Weekend” at St Andrew’s University in Scotland. It’s supposedly #3 in the UK rankings, but many believe that it isn’t as snobbish as the Oxbridge colleges are. Indeed, many of the Oxbridge colleges are inferior institutions tacked onto the university… much like the Catholic college attached to Oxford where Prince George (Mariya Vladimirovna’s idiot son) earned a “gentleman’s C” (that is, a failure for anyone else). The following is taken from the Wikipedia article:

Raisin Weekend celebrates the relationship between the Bejants/Bejantines (First-Year students) and their respective Academic Parents. in St. Andrews’ tradition, the Parents guide and mentor the newbies in their time at University. Tradition says that students went up to study with a sack of oatmeal and a barrel of salt-herring as staple foods to last them a term. Therefore, anything more exotic was a luxury. In return for the guidance from academic parents, a further tradition sprang up of rewarding these “parents” with a pound of raisins. Since the 19th century, the giving of raisins transformed into the giving of a more modern alternative… such as a bottle of wine. In return for the raisins or equivalent present, the “parents” give their “children” a formal receipt (the Raisin Receipt) composed in Latin. Over time, this receipt progressively became more elaborate and often humorous. They write the receipt on anything and the Bejant/Bejantine must carry it everywhere on the morning of Raisin Monday until midday.

Raisin Weekend occurs annually. Affairs often begin with a tea party (or similar) thrown by the “mothers” and then a pub-crawl or house party led by the “fathers”. It’s common for several academic families to combine in the latter stages of the revels. At midday, all the First-Years gather in the Quad of St Salvator’s College to compare their receipts and also to be open to challenge from older students who may look for errors in the Latin of the receipt (an almost inevitable occurrence). Upon detection of such errors, the bearer may be required to sing the Gaudie. In recent years, the gathering culminated in a shaving-foam fight. Raisin Weekend also became synonymous with binge drinking and a certain amount of humiliation of “academic children”, commonly involving embarrassing costumes or drinking games. The University Students’ Association provides a special First Aid hotline for Raisin Weekend.

BMD

14 April 2016. In Russia… Fairy Tales Still Live

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This is the Izmailovsky Kremlin in Moscow. No, it isn’t ancient… it only dates from the late 90s… it’s an urban leisure-time centre with restaurants, clubs, shops, and a wedding palace. In its way, it’s as authentic as any attraction in Vegas or any theme park that you’ve ever visited… that is, not very. However, friends tell me that it’s a fun place and a gas; a nice place to take the family on a weekend.

BMD 

23 October 2015. Fr Vasily™’s Cat… In 19th Century Russia, Did We Our Whisky Chill?

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