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On Thursday, the nation’s agitated soteriologically Calvinistic Christians released another statement alleging that the Russian Orthodox Church has, and continues to, meddle in the historical Christian Doctrine of Election. A Reformed pastor, who declined to give his name, complained:
One can hardly read the comments under my blog without some mention of the Patriarch of Moscow, or #ReleaseTheWillFromBondage. The Russians have clearly weaponised their faulty theology against our precious doctrine. They think they have an ability to choose… but this is our election, and Totally Depraved Americans won’t stand for it!
Facebook and Twitter are feeling pressure to censor pro-Russian Orthodox dogma, which overran the two social media platforms through automated robotic posts. You can identify these Russian bots by their frequent use of icons, in contrast to the stoic emoticons familiar in Reformed social media posts. Russian President Vladimir Putin denied the charges of Russian Orthodox interference, saying:
Election is hardly a Russian concern.
However, American Calvinists are still fuming over the wilted tulips he recently posted on Instagram, claiming the Russian leader’s predestination is certain.
25 January 2018
Babylon Bee
http://babylonbee.com/news/russian-orthodox-church-accused-interfering-doctrine-election/
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Voices from Russia 
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